QuayleMail
[the party line is always marked in blue]
Hello,
You people need to get a life.
Justyn
We thank you for your commments, O hideous little bat, the size of snot.
Sincerely,
Winston Carlyle
Assistant Nasal Functionary
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
I love your website. Did it ever occur to you that all the idiots come from
Indiana and for some strange reason they all have the name of Dan (Dan
Quayle, Dan Burton and Dan Coats). It must be something in the water. I
too am a hooo....sher (whatever that is) and quite frankly embarrassed to
admit it. I just hope that the fact I'm a transplant maybe too much will
not rub off.
I would watch your children closely...
Sincerely,
Hilda Cramstreit
Consumable Preservation Working Committee
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
Tell me are you doing this because you know he's a better man than
you could ever hope to be?
The Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign agrees most heartily with your
assessment. In the early days of the campaign, we had our doubts, but
we now realize that Dan Quayle is CHOSEN by GOD himself to LEAD us
into the NEW millenium.
He is a better man than any of us may ever hope to be. We only pray
that we are worthy to spit polish his bathroom fixtures.
Humbly yours,
Matilda Lloyd
Footwear Cleanliness Assurance
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
I hereby nominate J.C. Watts, Republican Representative from Oklahoma, for
cardinal. Representative Watts can be the token minority for the Vatican as
well as he is currently the token minority for the Republican Party.
He would be a good cardinal because he is always there for any photo
opportunity for the Republicans, because as a token minority, he
demonstrates that the Republican party is the "Big Tent" that includes
everyone.
However, Representative Watts is a creation of the Republican Party. He was
part of a secret project to improve the Republican Party's image and to
recruit minority voters. Rep. Watts is actually the finalist in the secret
project; there was another team within the project working on an alternative
minority candidate. The name of this alternative candidate was Reggie
Harlem.
The Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign feels that Representative Watts would
not only boost our appeal amongst the critical "Catholic,
ultra-conservative, University of Oklahoma football fan" segment, but
will also provide the new administration with valuable guidance in
issues requiring his unique quarterbacking talents.
As such, we have immediately added him to our ticket.
Thanks for your input,
Nikita Sanders
Chief Counsel for Medication Performance Testing
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
While searching the web, I found this neat-O little site of yours. :)
What a great cause! You have *my* vote!
And your images are wonderful.....the work of a true artist! It makes a
nifty little wallpaper tile for my computer, and will make for a great
conversational piece when I slap it on my book covers at the University!
Thanks! :D
Thank you for your kind words of support.
Remember:
The righteous shall scour the earth, like boiling water over
inexpensive, yet tasty ramen noodles.
Sincerely,
Kevin Muruchan
Executive Lieutenant for Proprietary Colonic Affairs
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
What a waste of internet space. If you can't say anything nice don't say it at all.
Stop trashing the internet!
We here at the Dan Quayle for Pope campaign were deeply hurt by your
comments. Being emotionally sensitive compassionate conservatives,
your words tore our pathetic little hearts to shreds, as surely as a
Sunbeam blender running on "frappe." We've tried and tried, and fought
for a cause that we truly believe in, yet still nobody understands the
vast sweeping importance of our mission. And so, you are doomed,
doomed to your dreary life, never understanding when to cry until it
hurts, never understanding how to laugh while the world slips away.
Much love,
Karl McDougal
Weep Day Coordinator
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
I suggest you look up the Page: http://www.worstoftheweb.com/
When you have read some of the ads there, then you know, what I think of your
own page.
As I think you know, that a Pope is Pope for life, it is absolutely disgusting,
to put up ads for a new pope when he is still alive. With that page of yours you
declare him dead already. As I gathered from your scripts, you would like a
pope, who is infallible only to your own interests, but never to truth or
Christianity. The other day I came across the net-page of an atheism-group and I
think it is good, when you read, what I wrote to them, as they hung themselfs
up on the infallibility of the pope. I must tell you, that all you write and all
what the atheist writes is a matter of believe with no knowledge in it what so
ever. If a future pope will be as slack as you describe Quayle, he will never be
able to reach infallibility, as the Truth will avoid contact with such
charakters!
Here my letter to the atheist which also concernes you!
It is a very interesting page you put up on the net and I think it is for most
people a matter of pure believe. So let us find the reason, why must it be a
matter of pure believe? IT MUST NOT BE ! ! !
You know, when I was young, I said to myself: Infallibility for the Pope, NEVER!
Not enough with that, I grew up in a christian family, but when I left home, I
never went to church again and later I signed out. I allways felt, that there
must be something that I did not know of and no one could tell me to my
satisfaction. My inner senses pulled me more often away from civilisation into
nature, up mountains, onto lakes and there I found more peace and freedom than
in church.
Then I went to read books of Buddha and with those I gathered more understanding
about life and how to live. I started to contact the other dimension, the
transcendenz, where we all go after death. I realised, that I was able to get in
contact with those, that I saw in my dreams. I learned their language of signs
and with the time to come I widened the palette of communicating possibilities.
Nowadays my communication is mainly by pure thinking. I learned to differenciate
between my own thoughts and the thoughts that were given to me.
So I have learned a lot of characters from there. One of them is the Truth. This
is the real truth, that concernes all of us, it is the truth of reality:
ANYONE who is sincere and honest may be able to contact the truth in such way I
do, not only the pope! And believe me, when you ask a question, you will
definitely receive an answer of absolut truth. And it is this truth, that is
infallible for eternity, not the pope or anyone else! This truth will
never change. The problem is, the Truth must find you worthy to contact and you
yourself must be able to listen, to get the message.
But you have to be aware of the fact, that when you have contact to the other
dimension, there are many "voices" coming into your brain. So you must be able
to carfully sorting out, which ones are your own, which ones are from any other
character. With a lot of training you will be able to recognise a person from
"the sound and colour of the thought" he gives you.
So I have told you about the truth of reality. But there is still another truth,
it is the truth of the Snake. For the snake, only the inner truth counts and is
of value. It is the truth of any diktator, it is the truth of terror. Such,
everybody has his own inner truth, which is NOT valid for everybody. It is
depending on the wealth, any diktator makes. The poor ones are his slaves, as it
is in his inner truth, that they serve him and work for him. It is sad to say,
that all the world has more and more the tendency to listen to the Inner Truth,
what brings us tyranny and war.
IF YOU ADVERTISE FOR QUAYLE, YOU ADVERTISE FOR THE SNAKE AND THAT MEANS TERROR !
I think you donīt know what you are doing!
He who has achieved supreme enlightenment
is like an arrow flying straight to hell.
Sincerely,
Marlo S. Gadfrey
Quayle for Pope Janitorial Services
The voice of the snake! I am told to react!
You yourself are enlightened supremely but you donīt realise it, as you are
blind to reality. You are the ball of fire that makes all universe to hell, all
existence to hell.
We here at the Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign deeply regret the previous
unauthorized correspondence, written by a member of our cleaning staff.
It is the official position of the Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign that
when the universe is considered in its eternity, our pathetic squabblings
seem insignificant -- our history is a but a tiny chunk of something with
no beginning or end. In such a life devoid of purpose, one may invent
the notion of heaven as the ultimate goal, and so too hell, as
vindictive punishment for one's enemies. By contriving morality and
metaphysics to revolve around the human conception thereof, we lend
ourselves great importance -- the world seems inexplicable, and we must
invent a strange and fanciful conception of the universe to make our
pathetic lives worth living.
Taken in this light, it is obvious that considering oneself enlightened
is akin to storing a 12th century Persian rug in a bag of mud.
Sincerely,
Zelda E. Nietzsche, PhD
Associate Deputy Council for Pastry Quality Control
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
In my eyes your official position never differs in any way from the opinion of
your cleaning stuff. That is to read in your last sentence.
You speak of no beginning and no end, so I guess you have not heared of the
bible, where there is written about the creator, and if you donīt know, you
should believe, that there is a beginning for everything and even a beginning
for Nothing!
If you find no purpose for life, then you are not in any way fit to campaign for
any pope! What message will you bring to the people? "Kill yourselfs, itīs of no
use anyway!" Is that your popes message to the world? Let me tell you, that you
overrate your importance. Your words are words of evel, they are a disgrace,
that help no soul, give no hope and no hold.
When you have no knowledge about something, then donīt write about it. You never
tried, to get in contact with the other dimension, otherwise you had another
opinion.
Not at all. Here at the Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign, we feel people
were meant for a higher purpose -- namely to support Dan Quayle in the
style to which he has become accustomed, and then some. The gold
bathroom fixtures in the vatican are not enough! To truly pay tribute to
such a swag religion, wall-to-wall gold-thread carpeting is needed, even
in the streets of Vatican City. So you see, all is not hopelessness,
unless you are a member of the unwashed masses. But even then, you can
take comfort in knowing that your religion encourages you in your
efforts to increase world overpopulation, as long as your children are
pressed into service to further the wealth of the Holy Roman Catholic
Empire.
Sincerely,
Avi Rietsch
Undersecretary to the Chair of the Finance Exploratory Committee
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
In order trying to find a common level of thoughts:
Peoples higher purpose can never be meant to support Dan Quayle, as there were
people long before Dan Quayle existed! What was peoples purpose before Quayle?
Still today I do not go to church and like yourself find that glittering of
Vatikan behaviour absolutely wrong. But in this sight let me ask you: Why are
you trying to put Quayle as new pope in Vatikan, when you do not like such
glitter? Sorry, but it sounds to me, that you try to lay hands on that glitter,
to just fill your own pockets. If it was not this way, you would start your own
religion without sending your own pope to the Vatikan.
In one next sentence you talk about my religion. For this I am sorry to tell
you, that you leave the track of reality. In no mail I said a word that
christianity is MY religion. In fact I have no religion at all as I refuse to
accept the Inner Truth as the truth of reality. An inner truth is like a dream,
it may be, or come true, or not. If one has big wealth, then he has much power.
But power needs wisdom, tolerance and acceptance to others. Mostly you are
unable to find this combination. Mostly power leads to tyranny suffering and
hell for the lower ones. As this I found to be true, I try to avoid ANY
believing and instead surch for facts ot the absolute truth and thus change any
believing into knowledge.
Further more you mention the increase of population of this world. It is true,
that as far as I know, mankind received no explanation about birth neither from
any religion, nor from science. To have any understanding in this matter, you
have to have knowledge about the position of God. Think yourself in the
position, to be infinit as God is. So you would be similar to a bubble and you
are only able to look inside this bubble, as there will be no outside. Inside
this bubble you see many souls. Now pick out one soul and try to tell, wether it
is very good, just good, or bad! You will find, that you can not tell, because
you need a reference to compare this soul with. As you do not know from any
other soul the good or bad, you can not take any other soul as reference.
So God creates opposites of this soul, such he will have a male and a female
soul in the end. Both souls are bound to have all the characters of the
sorcesoul. After that splitting he brings the opposites together again and the
female will have children. So you can read in the bible: > You will recognize
them by their fruits ! < The first born child will then show all characters of
the sorcesoul. The soul creates a beginning of a new soul. That is similar to
start of evolution on earth. Depending on the kind of animal that emerges, you
recognize it as harmless or dangerous. So a soul creates a picture, which schows
all characters. Look at all couples you see, and you will find, that especially
in the facelines you can detect many similarities. This is the way to recognize,
that such couple is created from one soul.
Such weddings are wanted from God, others not. That is the reason, that free sex
is not allowed. But mankind must be told that reason, so he can see sense in not
making sex. To take preventive action for children will destroy the true
picture, as only the first child will include all characters of man and wife.
Remember Herodes who let kill all the first born babies, as Jesus was born, as
only the first born is the real king. Otherwise he would have had to kill all
newborn boys.
The Dan Quayle for Pope Campaign would like to thank you for your
insightful commentary. We would also like to take this opportunity to
declare you a heretic. Once we have seized control of the Church, we
intend to bend our power to the persecution of heretics. Nobody expects
the Quayle Inquisition!!
Sincerely,
Radboud Fievnish
Viceroy of Local Interrogation Affairs
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
I have a friend named Hub who would never be the sort of person
to sit at a Poop's right hand, and just as well since the Pope
throws his boogers that direction, according to Baba Wawa in her
recent interview with His Royal Holyfield. When they play cards
it's three blind mice all over again, counting the stars on the
New Jersey turnbuckle, they've all gone to look for the chair
that was on the left side before the no vacancy sign lit up and
the chair dis- re- and then disappeared again. I repeat: I
repeat: I repeat: I repeat. (I hat it when it does that). So
Dan Quayle says to Miss Cinncinnati '47, If you must sin no
more, the world cries with you, but Cinncinncerely and you cin
alone. She fainted, I I let her fall and break. But I was well
upon my way to sleep before she fell, and I could tell what
dreams were about to shake their way up the trellis to my
bedroom if they don't catch themselves on the rose thorns.
Saint Veronica came to, after years dormant in Dayton, fixing
flats and drinking old whiskey from new barstools. When she saw
Quayle in the field she streamed toward him unconsciously,
waving her fists and waiving her right to trial before a jerk of
more beer than a single swig could handle on the marketplace.
The new paragraph started without global warning, suddenly,
out of the blue-grey eye of the storm, whisking away the old
sinful self and bringing on new angelic glory clothed in Los
Angeles' finest rayon to play on the way on and on to the store,
merci beaucoup buckaroo, let's get on with the vestiture of the
new pope-in-residence, send up the smoke signals Tonto, don't
call me fool or you risk eternal whatamacallit by a host of
Archangels and their home boys riding bicylces with chains of
clouds, bouncing through enormous blue potholes of sky, all just
for the purpose of sending some sort of communication back from
the dead heads left over after the last concert, a picture show
worth thousands of bellyaches, chocolate cakes, scavenfer rakes,
purple mistakes, and rhymes without brakes, but doesn't rhyme
with gallamofor. We stopped and rested, still wanting to win
the last election so bad we could after-taste it, but Quayle for
Veep had a catchier ring than Willy for Jeep or Busch for Creep
or Clinton for Male or Splinter for Jail. El perro esta
barqueando, said the chief election assistant to the pope, i.e.
he's not the pope's election assistent but was talking to the
pope, when an interrupted cry came from the Katholic Koorner of
Pwee Pwee Herman's talkie show, kids, but the pope groped for a
smart retort and found Clinton dangling in the wind like a
Nixonian archive watered down from the Gates of Heaven.
Which brings us back to where we started, at the right hand
of Goddard fodder in the Space Center, by which we mean the
center of space, and the Time Capsule, one a day for eternity or
until the price goes down to 30% of retail, whichever can
support the most pinheads dancing on an heels of an angel. That
guy Hub wondered off before the story started and ended up in
his Sunday School teacher's dream speaking Gaelic, not bad for
an evening on the town, is it? The vacant chair of the Pope's
Right-handed faculty cherub was sold to Dan Qualye after hard
rain at bargain basement prices we could simply not afford under
these circumstances. But our memories of heaven will delight us
for years to come, provided we pay the rent on time.
As for me and my house, I shouldn't admit my insight would
incite this web cite to fight for right and apple struddle, but
the truth is, we all fail sometimes, and I did 45 to 50 seconds
ago, long before these words jump back down from where they
started. But we'll probably vote for Hub over Quayle, not so
much for the pilitics as the smile. So, hasta la vista Senior
Padre Hocuspoderoso, we'll come back down the chimney before the
smoke goes up, and greet you with a water balloon filled with
fruit punch and a squirrel pregnant with last years nuts, if you
know what I mean. I do, but that'll be the day.
Until then, pardners, let's all be happy, think pleasant
thoughts, and strike a match for lady fortune, blessings and
pumpkin pie for desert, and we will stick with him until the
end.
The end.
Sincerely,
A secret Qualye admirer.
Know, I din't spell his name wrong, diphead. (The ph is not
pronounced that way.)
We are overcome with a swarm of hot and spicy peanuts. Huzzah!
You are my favorite person in the entire world. When I grow up I want to
be just like you. Only a super genius could find a way to make something
good out of Dan Quayle, Mr. T, and the pope all in one. Good for you.
Please visit my pope website at http://www.angelfire.com/nb/pope. I will
always vote Quayle as long as people like you are still out there. Thank
You.
Thank you for your support. Do not forget to become a devoted follower,
scanning the vast Spiny empire daily for updates.
Also, many of our followers are so zealous that they have tried to vote
for Dan in the presidental primaries. REMEMBER: Papal Primaries ONLY.
In Quayle We Trust,
Arthur P. Nibblewick
Campaign Lackey
To whom it may concern,
I was recently looking over your web site and it struck me: if
misstatements are the only thing you can get on Dan Quayle, then I
guess he'd make a darn good President! Is your site about sex
scandals? No. Is it about money scandals? No. It's about
misstatements! And it's sacrilegious at that!
Let me first make one thing clear: I am not necessarily supporting
Dan Quayle for President. But if you have the time and ignorance to
do this, then you must have a sad, dull, and boring life!
Why don't you take a look at other politicians? I'll answer that:
because you only tell what you want the people to hear, just like the
liberal media that is responsible for Quayle's negative image! How
about the time Al Gore said "a leopard never changes its stripes?"
That's only one of the many examples!
I have an idea: check out a REAL web site: http://www.quayle.org
Well, have fun with your little web page... simple pleasures for
simple minds.
We here at Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000 were rather disconcerted by your
seemingly negative comments, as we share your belief in the sterling
qualities of America's most underestimated politician.
As we thought we had made clear on our web site, we do not belong to the
liberal media camp, which is so quick to discount Dan Quayle's proven
leadership qualities and unique personal character.
We share your heartfelt appreciation of Dan Quayle, but we have taken
that appreciation to a higher level: we feel that secular politics is no
place for a man of Dan Quayle's capabilities. No! Dan Quayle was made
for greater things!
We hope this clears up any misconceptions you may have previously held
about Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000, and you may rest assured that we will
continue to strive to maintain the unique public image that Dan Quayle
has so effortlessly created.
Sincerely,
Arnold P. Hodswacker, PhD
Associate Deputy Campaign Manager
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
If this is true, that you really are pro-Quayle, then please,
please take the link to quayle2kproblem.com off your site! Have you
seen it? It's very anti-Quayle. How about you replace it with
http://www.quayle.org? Also, what's the deal with calling him a
"primate" and pointing out some of his slips of the tongue?
I appreciate you writing back.
On behalf of the entire Quayle for Pope in 2000 campaign staff, I
would like to thank you for your keen interest in our website. However,
I am not authorized to make any major changes without a meeting of the
Executive Quayle Papal Campaign Committee in concert with the New Media
Development Team. It could be some months before I am able to respond to
your concerns.
Thank you for your patience in this matter.
Sincerely,
Arnold P. Hodswacker, PhD
Associate Deputy Campaign Manager
Dan Quayle for Pope in 2000
P.S. The title "Primate of Italy" is one of many honorifics that apply
to the head of the Roman Catholic Church. We will certainly investigate
using other honorifics that will cause less confusion in the United
States, such as "Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church," or
"Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province."
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